Alternative title: Tips for directing family photos without them feeling stiff or awkward – because that’s the real problem, right? My #1 key to loosening up a family (and myself!) is to explore with curiosity and allow the PLAY.
Creative play is what takes your sessions from cookie cutter to oozing with personality.
In this episode, I’m walking you through how to move beyond rigid posing and into something more alive and collaborative. Listen in as I share how curiosity (both about yourself and your clients) can completely transform the energy of your photos.
Why technically “perfect” posing falls flat
Posing is a foundational part of lifestyle family photography, but that doesn’t mean it has to be rigid. I believe the biggest culprits for draining the energy of a session are precision and over-calculation.
You need to understand composition and know how bodies work together, directional light, and how to guide people through a container of time to make photos with meaning. But when posing becomes overly precise, you start to lose the connection. The energy drops and your people start to feel like puppets instead of a family.
Pablo Picasso once said, “ You have to learn the rules like a pro to break them like an artist.” That’s the difference between posing and playfulness for photographers.
The art of paying attention
There’s this misconception that natural, candid-looking photos just happen. They don’t. That effortlessness is intentional. The most natural-feeling images – the kind that feel stumbled upon – tend to come from a cocktail of emotional awareness, relaxed direction, and a willingness to play.
The mental checklist can get loud when you want to do a great job. The key is to not let it get louder than what’s honestly happening in front of you. The problem is, when we start to see the unravelling, a lot of photographers will start to scramble for the control. You may feel yourself tense up and wonder how you’re going to get them back. You might get all sweating and start giving over-detailed directions.
In that moment, there are 2 powerful things you can do.
1. Take a deep breath
2. Ask a question (more on that shortly).
Again, this isn’t about abandoning structure, but instead, allowing space within it. Curiosity is your best friend.
1. Curiosity with yourself
If you ever find yourself feeling awkward or stuck when you’re directing family photos, get curious with yourself and ask why that might be. Take a look at the moments where you tense up and think through what could be causing it.
Do you forget how to behave like an adult human and direct through an intimate moment when the parents are close togethe? Maybe maternity sessions or breastfeeding photos get you feeling like you want to run or don’t know what to say? Maybe it’s when you try to direct dads.
Whatever moments are causing a problem for you, get honest with yourself about what those hesitations are and what mental blocks might be holding you back.
If you’re in the moment of a session and you find this happening, simply breathe and notice.
- Notice the wind
- Notice the dappled light in the corner or a patch of sun down the hallway
- Notice the clouds or sky
- Notice the grass tickling your feet
- Notice something you can physically touch
When you start to notice and embrace these elements, they will start to spark ideas for you. Ideas for exploring and playfullness, connection with nature or a home environment, and allowing the surroundings to participate instead of blocking everything out.
This act of slowing down, scanning your environment, and picking something to notice physically creates an intentionality for creativity. You can embrace your awareness and allow that curiosity to lead the next moment or idea to unfold more naturally.
When you do this in the moment, it allows you to go somewhere new, beyond what you planned beforehand on paper.
This is hard for photographers, because planning feels way more comfortable and predictable. But creativity goes hand in hand with spontaneity and you have to be open to flowing with that energy when it comes.
Curiosity with your subjects
In addition to getting curious with yourself during your photo sessions, you can also get curious with your subjects. Rather than telling someone what to do during the session, you can look at it as collaboration, cooperation, and investment in your subjects.
This takes us back to my earlier suggestion of taking a deep breath and ask a question.
With kids, you can ask questions like:
- What did you do for your birthday this year?
- I wonder if we could find any bugs over there?
- Do you like making shadow puppets? (This ties back into noticing your environment if you’ve seen a wall with harsh light and shadows.)
Consider your subjects (specifically children) and how they typically respond.
Are they going to like being told to just sit on a couch next to their siblings? Probably not. Instead, ask them if they like jumping on a couch! Or let them hide behind the couch and pop out to “scare” you! That creates play and excitement, rather than restrictive commands – and let’s be honest, it’s a lot more real.
Asking questions creates space for an honest response. When people (both children and adults) feel like they’re participating, they tend to soften. It allows them to feel a little more invested versus being told what to do the whole time.
Some of my best images come right after someone has laughed unexpectedly. You don’t get that without play and honest engagement.
Most photographers want to know the exact words to say and the spots they will shoot in. When we have more control, we think we’ll have more confidence. But that mindset often leads to stale images, because clients are expecting their photographers to be the creative ones. They want you to lead in a way that let’s them know you’ve got them no matter what – even if and when it’s not perfect.
What happens when you lead with curiosity
Directing your sessions with openness and curiosity requires trust from both sides. Trust is often established long before your clients come into the shoot, but you maintain it by the way you come into the shoot. This means being willing to crawl on the floor and make shadow puppets and run around a little!
Curiosity asks you to believe that something good will happen, even if it’s not scripted and you’re not in control.
There is gold waiting for you in your images if you simply allow it to unfold.
The practical shift to introduce play into your photoshoots
The more you practice that balancing the direction with the curiosity, the questions, the exploring, the playfulness… the more confident and competent you actually become in your work.
When curiosity leads, instead of changing your subjects 15 times, you let their wiggling and falling out of a pose naturally be part of what you intend.
If hands are feeling stiff and awkward, ask yourself, “What could give this some energy?” Or “How can I walk them into this position without just telling them to stand there?” You may feel the need to position and pose them immediately, or to stop shooting until you get the pose “back” – but let it breathe a little. Stay in it. You might be surprised by what you capture in between.
Practice hands-on playfulness & curiosity the Photo Fuel Retreat!
If you’ve been thinking that it’s time to start exploring curiosity and playfulness in your sessions, but aren’t quite sure what it looks like in practice, the Photo Fuel Retreat and Mastermind is an experience where you can let loose a little more and dive into deeper levels of your creativity within family sessions.
The Photo Fuel Retreat is an intimate, in-person experience designed for family photographers who care deeply about storytelling, sustainability, and doing work that actually feels good.
Find it quickly:
1:29 – Why Sessions Feel Stiff
3:28 – Curiosity Over Perfection
6:10 – Curiosity with Yourself
7:09 – Breathe and Notice
10:36 – Curiosity With Your Subjects
13:37 – Trust the Unscripted
15:50 – Practice and Experiment
Mentioned in this episode:
The Photo Fuel Retreat: leahoconnell.com/retreat
You might also like:
68: Why I Started a Retreat for Family Photographers
58: What even IS a mastermind? Inside the Photo Fuel Retreat and Mastermind for Family Photographers
